Too Blessed to be Stressed

Hi. I'm a comedy writer and performer in New York City.

I do a lot of that comedy writing and performing at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater. This tumblr will be full of plugs for those shows.

Jun 28
oscarbait:

Fifteen & In Deep: The Clarissa Thomas Story (2006)Premiered June 3, 2009Inspired by: “Baby Got Back” from ‘Baby Got Back’ by Sir Mix A LotGenre: Lifetime Teen DramaFitting in comes at a price of morning sickness.Regent High was like any other high school. The popular kids rule. The nerds and geeks drool. And a fat kid named Beef (Brian Glidewell) eats everything to fill an emotional void, including hoagies, full honey baked hams and live goats. Just like any other high school. Clarissa Thomas (Jessica Stickles) was just like any other teenager: she just wanted to fit in. An impressionable bookworm, with beast-like hair growth, she just wanted to be one of the popular girls. And just like any other high school, being popular at Regent High meant being retarded and pregnant. Straight-laced student Stephanie (Lauren Conlin Adams) and best friend Candace (Tim Martin), a brace-faced, venus fly trap-mouthed freak of a girl, bonded by the experience of Candace witnessing Stephanie’s first period, wanted the same acceptance. Tormented and pressured by Dana (Matt Cutler) and Shelly (Rory Panagotopulos), the most hot, most popular, most retarded and most pregnant girls at Regent, Clarissa, Stephanie and Candace are about to make decisions that will land them in deep… Strapping on a helmet and dribbling her words and water everywhere, Clarissa retards herself up to seduce Ricky (Tony Rodriguez), the goat loving (like really goat loving, like in an inappropriate way goat loving) captain of the football team. Ricky can’t help but find Clarissa’s…what do you call it… retardedness alluring. The two head to Lover’s Bluff to finally get Clarissa the bun in the oven key to being Queen Bee of the school…but is that really what she wants? Candace seems to actually become retarded and turns against Stephanie (literally with the use of chainsaw braces) to win the prize of being Dana’s top Nazi Pig friend… but is that really what she wants?Is pregnancy, exploitation of retardation and eventual cold blooded murder worth high school popularity? Will Clarissa, Stephanie and Candace find out what really matters? Is Ricky actually interested in Clarissa not because she’s retarded but because her animal, beast hair reminds him of a goat (which to say again, he has a really weird thing for)? How many kids have Dana and Shelly fostered and how many of them by that weird chemistry teacher Mr. Anderson? Like do you think it’s in the single digits or are we talking double digits? With an original song by Garth Brooks “Everyone Learns a Lesson (At the End of the Day)” [Available on iTunes with all proceeds going to the foundation started in the name of the actor who played Beef after he died at the age of 16 for being so fat], 15 & In Deep will teach you the lesson that maybe fitting in just means being yourself. And not pregnant or retarded.

oscarbait:

Fifteen & In Deep: The Clarissa Thomas Story (2006)
Premiered June 3, 2009

Inspired by: “Baby Got Back” from ‘Baby Got Back’ by Sir Mix A Lot

Genre: Lifetime Teen Drama


Fitting in comes at a price of morning sickness.

Regent High was like any other high school. The popular kids rule. The nerds and geeks drool. And a fat kid named Beef (Brian Glidewell) eats everything to fill an emotional void, including hoagies, full honey baked hams and live goats. Just like any other high school.

Clarissa Thomas (Jessica Stickles) was just like any other teenager: she just wanted to fit in. An impressionable bookworm, with beast-like hair growth, she just wanted to be one of the popular girls. And just like any other high school, being popular at Regent High meant being retarded and pregnant. Straight-laced student Stephanie (Lauren Conlin Adams) and best friend Candace (Tim Martin), a brace-faced, venus fly trap-mouthed freak of a girl, bonded by the experience of Candace witnessing Stephanie’s first period, wanted the same acceptance.

Tormented and pressured by Dana (Matt Cutler) and Shelly (Rory Panagotopulos), the most hot, most popular, most retarded and most pregnant girls at Regent, Clarissa, Stephanie and Candace are about to make decisions that will land them in deep…

Strapping on a helmet and dribbling her words and water everywhere, Clarissa retards herself up to seduce Ricky (Tony Rodriguez), the goat loving (like really goat loving, like in an inappropriate way goat loving) captain of the football team. Ricky can’t help but find Clarissa’s…what do you call it… retardedness alluring. The two head to Lover’s Bluff to finally get Clarissa the bun in the oven key to being Queen Bee of the school…but is that really what she wants? Candace seems to actually become retarded and turns against Stephanie (literally with the use of chainsaw braces) to win the prize of being Dana’s top Nazi Pig friend… but is that really what she wants?

Is pregnancy, exploitation of retardation and eventual cold blooded murder worth high school popularity? Will Clarissa, Stephanie and Candace find out what really matters? Is Ricky actually interested in Clarissa not because she’s retarded but because her animal, beast hair reminds him of a goat (which to say again, he has a really weird thing for)? How many kids have Dana and Shelly fostered and how many of them by that weird chemistry teacher Mr. Anderson? Like do you think it’s in the single digits or are we talking double digits?

With an original song by Garth Brooks “Everyone Learns a Lesson (At the End of the Day)” [Available on iTunes with all proceeds going to the foundation started in the name of the actor who played Beef after he died at the age of 16 for being so fat], 15 & In Deep will teach you the lesson that maybe fitting in just means being yourself. And not pregnant or retarded.